Just Because I Can…

***I came across this post in my ‘Drafts” folder. I’m not sure why I didn’t publish it before. But the lesson means as much today as it did then. I am reminded to be OK with small steps, small progresses. When there is so much to do, doing one simple thing is always better than doing nothing.

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Just because I can doesn’t mean that I should. I think that was a car commercial a while back, but it is also so important for me right now.

Discernment: being able to judge well. I love this word because it means not just making a choice, but being able to see nuances and “being able to grasp and comprehend what is obscure” (from Merriam Webster Dictionary). It is an active process, weighing probabilities and consequences.

I often have a profound lack of discernment.

Monday, I was ‘released’ by my doctor to shed the boot and put full weight on my left foot. Yeah! When I got home, I was all over the place, wobbling and careening on my foot that hadn’t really been used for three months. It even felt good (emotionally) to stand and do the dishes.

That night I paid for it, having to ice my ankle and keep it elevated. But I did the same thing again the next day. Then my physical therapist came and clipped my wings.

The thing is, the way I was “walking” would lead to eventual injury, and would possibly leave me limping for the rest of my life. I needed to learn to walk properly. It was so frustrating to have to go back to crutches. I mean, without them I could carry things all by myself.

Fortunately, I listened. I’ve been focusing on using correct gait and strengthening my foot and ankle. I had to practice restraint.

Isn’t that so important with everything? Restraint of pen and tongue. Restrain myself from over-spending (and many other over-doing things). As I gain more freedom, discernment becomes more and more important. My choices mean more, to more people.

As I sit and wiggle my toes and flex my foot, I am reminded how important it is to find that spiritual center. I need to weigh my actions, take time to be silent and reflect before making rash decision. Do I want to hurtle and crash through life or calmly build my steps and progress towards an ultimately fulfilling future?

Everything Is Awful, Everything Is Broken

Put your fears to rest
You know it’s for the best
As a choir of angels sings:

…everything is awful.

—Lyrics from “Everything is Awful” by The Decemberists.

I heard this song on the radio the other day, followed immediately by Bob Dylan’s “Everything is Broken.” It was a gorgeous early spring day. I was happy.

Yes, I was happy even though it is true, everything is awful and everything is broken. For me, it was like a message that what the world looks like is not necessarily what matters. Sometimes things have to get awful and things have to break for new things to take their place.

Here is a comment that was left at the website Genius,

On a few occasions, Colin has referred to this song as a Trump-era “state of the union song.” The pessimistic nature of the lyrics is contrasted with the jovial “la la la la la” refrain and the gang chorus at the end.

These songs also reminded me to not take everything, especially myself, so seriously. Folks in recovery might know this as “Rule 62.” All I can do is what is in front of me. I do what I can, each day, and if I live today well I will be OK.

I cannot give in to the pessimistic, defeatist attitude. There is a higher order, whatever your religious/spiritual/philosophical beliefs. Everything is connected. Everything is One.

If you have ever walked a labyrinth, you know that there is one path in and one path out. It is all the same path. It looks like people are ahead of you or behind, moving toward you or away. Yet it is all one path. We are just at different places, constantly moving. No one place is better or worse than another because it is all one path. Just keep moving.

Sunday Quote: Health and Sanity

All sanity depends on this: that it should be a delight to feel heat strike the skin, a delight to stand upright, knowing the bones are moving easily under the flesh.  –Doris Lessing English Writer b. 1919

By this definition, I’m so stinking sane!

I was doing laundry today and was overwhelmed by gratitude. Monday, my doctor declared that the bones in my ankle showed remarkable “filling in” and he released me from care. My physical therapist also released me because I was walking well and just need to continue the exercises to strengthen that ankle and knee.

It’s been almost 5 months since the accident, and even though I’m out-of-shape, I feel healthier than I have in a long, long time. It seems like every day I discover something else that I can do easily.

I am in awe at the ability of the human body to heal. Do you need any other proof of a powerful force for good in the universe? I don’t have a church-ish conception of god, but I believe profoundly in an unseen, guiding force in the universe. If I keep my wants, big ideas, and grand plans out of the way, I know that my greatest good is unfolding even now.

 

Perfect Day

Wood smoke lingered in the early afternoon air while bare branches whisked across the cerulean sky. I took a walk outside for the first time in three months… since the accident.

My gait was slow, aided with a cane, as I worked to push off with the ball of my foot to propel each step forward. I felt like I was marching with a purpose: remember to bend the knee, flex as much as possible, then the heel strike.

Definitely a haiku moment. I remembered to breathe in the fresh air deeply. My daughter and I, accompanied by a German Shepherd and a Jack Russell, took a short walk to a park a few blocks from our house. It felt like such a rare and unique moment, me walking, outside, with my little dog.

I wanted to tell everyone, “Hey! I’m walking again! Look at me!”

I topped 2,000 steps today. I’ll celebrate these small victories, right after I ice and elevate my ankle. The world smiled for me today.

Just Because I Can…

Just because I can doesn’t mean that I should. I think that was a car commercial a while back, but it is also so important for me right now.

Discernment: being able to judge well. I love this word because it means not just making a choice, but being able to see nuances and “being able to grasp and comprehend what is obscure” (from Merriam Webster Dictionary). It is an active process, weighing probabilities and consequences.

I often have a profound lack of discernment.

Monday, I was ‘released’ by my doctor to shed the boot and put full weight on my left foot. Yeah! When I got home, I was all over the place, wobbling and careening on my foot that hadn’t really been used for three months. It even felt good (emotionally) to stand and do the dishes.

That night I paid for it, having to ice my ankle and keep it elevated. But I did the same thing again the next day. Then my physical therapist came and clipped my wings.

The thing is, the way I was “walking” would lead to eventual injury, and would possibly leave me limping for the rest of my life. I needed to learn to walk properly. It was so frustrating to have to go back to crutches. I mean, without them I could carry things all by myself.

Fortunately, I listened. I’ve been focusing on using correct gait and strengthening my foot and ankle. I had to practice restraint.

Isn’t that so important with everything? Restraint of pen and tongue. Restrain myself from over-spending (and many other over-doing things). As I gain more freedom, discernment becomes more and more important. My choices mean more, to more people.

As I sit and wiggle my toes and flex my foot, I am reminded how important it is to find that spiritual center. I need to weigh my actions, take time to be silent and reflect before making rash decision. Do I want to hurtle and crash through life or calmly build my steps and progress towards an ultimately fulfilling future?

I’m Getting Impatient

It’s been almost 8 weeks since the accident and I’m getting sick of myself. I still can’t put any weight on my left ankle. It’s frustrating trying to do anything. It takes me 10 minutes to do something that normally would take no time at all. And I still have a long way to go until I can walk again. I’ve fallen more than once just trying to get around my own (cluttered) house. Who created that clutter? Me. Who do I want to clean it up? Anyone but me.

I Hate Shoes! Maybe I’m Medieval?

(I didn’t realize how long it had been since I posted. I’ve been doing some “back-end” work to help this blog look and read better. Still in progress.)

Anyway, I really do hate wearing shoes. Always have. I remember when I was a kid, like 2nd or 3rd grade. I walked with my two older sisters to school. More than once we’d get halfway there and they would realize that I was barefoot. The oldest sister would have to run all the way home to get my shoes.