It’s 4 a.m., and I can’t sleep. This is not usual for me. I went to sleep just fine around 10:30 last night. I woke up about 3:30 because my dog was whining and just couldn’t fall back asleep.
I’m moving the day after tomorrow. We’ll have the moving van here around 9 a.m., so I have one more day to get everything packed. (It’s just a local move, so if we miss a few things it’s not a huge deal. We have the old house through the weekend to finish.)
My mind was going over what furniture would go where in the new place. Then I was thinking about the kitchen. It’s a rental house, and when we looked at it, it had a free-standing pantry in the kitchen. I’m counting on that being there. What if they removed it? That’s the only reason why the house was OK, if we had that extra storage in the kitchen, but if it’s gone, what will I do?
By then, my heart rate was up and my body was tense. All of a sudden the idea crashed through all that thinking: there is nothing I can do about it right now.
Next I started thinking about the long to-do list related to the move, like changing our address on Amazon, and for insurance, and for meal delivery, and my daughter’s magazine….
Nope. Can’t do anything about that either. I still couldn’t sleep, but at least I wasn’t torturing myself with all that thinking.
I believe that the mindfulness meditation I’ve been doing helped me come to that realization sooner than it would have, say, a couple of months ago. I was able to get a bit of perspective. Am I sleepy? No. That’s when a novel idea struck me: why not just get up?
I’m usually one who likes to sleep in. I could sleep until 9 or 10 every morning if it wasn’t for my early-riser son… and he’s out of town right now. Maybe I’m getting older and don’t need as much sleep. I don’t know and don’t care.
The point is, acceptance of my situation, exactly as it is (ie I can’t sleep) can lead to action. Might as well get going with my busy day. I thank God for the clarity I have today.