Even cowards can endure hardship; only the brave can endure suspense. –Mignon McLaughlin (1913-1983) American journalist and writer
This is about not forcing anything to happen. It requires trust, trust in a higher power that everything will work out exactly as it needs to. It requires being able to sit with the discomfort of not knowing. It requires going about my daily life and not obsessing.
Today, I wait.
A bit over a week ago, I made the decision to hire an editor to go through my 75,000 word manuscript to help make it a marketable book. This was an investment in myself, and scary as hell.
All the self-doubt flooded in when I clicked that final PayPal button to send the payment. What the heck am I doing? I don’t really have talent. Friends and family love it because they have to. The editor won’t believe what garbage I sent that I think could actually be a novel people would buy. She will laugh at me.
I think it’s that last self-doubt: everyone will laugh at me. That is probably my biggest fear. I don’t want to look foolish, so the “easier” thing to do is not try. But you know what you get when you don’t try?
So, I took the risk and invested in my self. I should hear back within a week. I have no idea how it is being received. I have to fight the urge to annoy the editor with emails saying, “What do you think of it so far? Is it OK?” Is the real question I want to ask, “Am I OK?”