Refusing to act in a timely manner almost cost me about $200,000. We had been in the process of giving our old home back to the bank via a deed-in-lieu. It was not an easy process, and we had many stressers along the way. We were seeing daylight at the end of the tunnel, and only had one more thing to complete.
It was simple enough. Get proof that our final utility bills had been paid. Yet It seemed so overwhelming and confusing. My mind avoided thinking about it. I’ll do it tomorrow. When I finally did get the documentation, I realized that the process was actually rather easy.
The problem was, we had a deadline of Oct. 3. I sent it on Oct. 5. We had missed deadlines before, and everything had been OK. Great excuse, right?
After over a year of work, they denied to grant us the assistance of the deed-in-lieu because I did not get them the documentation they had requested. And it was entirely my my fault.
I called today, and hopefully they will re-open our claim and we can finish this infernal process. I’m just sick to my stomach. How many times do I have to learn this lesson? I need to do the right thing at the right time, EVEN IF I DON’T WANT TO.
I could easily slip into the morass of self-pity. I’ve had many, many, many years of doing that. But I will not choose to do that today. I got into action to hopefully salvage our assistance request. I even finished up a different financial matter that had been weighing on the back of my mind.
Now I’m wondering, why would I self-sabotage by not getting paperwork turned in on time? I have everything to gain by following their rules so that they can help me, but I have to do my part.
What else am I self-sabotaging by holding on to my character defect of procrastination? Does it feel good to be lazy? Not get stuff finished? Always having things hanging over me that I need to attend to? What do I do next?
The 12-steps offers a solution: Humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings. I am willing and ready. Now I must ask.
This is not about the Christian God, or Jesus, or anything like that. My personal path, the path that has led (and continues to lead) me to a spiritual awakening, could most easily be summed up as the 12 steps. I have no doctrine, except maybe the Big Book.
What I am saying is that, even at 29 years of sobriety and having lived more that 50 years on this planet, I still have so much to learn and so much room to grow. I must be constantly vigilant to see how these defects of character try to worm their way back in and try to destroy me.
I believe that the diseases of addiction and alcoholism are truly cunning, baffling, and powerful. Without help, it is too much for me. Yet, here I stand, sober. I can get full view of the ugliness of my shortcomings, and still know that I’m OK. I can love me with all my imperfections. And so can you.
If you are hurting, if you’ve done something stupid, please know that it is OK. Acceptance and peace of mind are possible. Smile to yourself and keep moving forward.