When my daughter was born in 1999 we decided that I could stay home with her. When I began homeschooling her, it made even more sense for me to be an “at home mom.” I worked for a couple of years when we wanted to come up with a down-payment for a house, and then took a leave of absence (and never went back) when we adopted our son in 2005. Basically, I haven’t had a “job” for about 10 years.
I always thought I would be the breadwinner. I am smart, educated, and hate housework. Seriously, one look at my house and you will believe me. As I approached my mid-40’s I started asking myself, “How did I get here?”
The past few years I had felt that my self-esteem and “identity” was slipping away. Coming up on being 50 did not help. I always thought I would be a successful, professional writer, and especially after getting sober I know that I could work to achieve my goal.
With two kids, one being home-schooled and the other needing extra time, and a husband with an erratic work schedule that meant we could not rely on him being able to pick up kids at a specific time, getting a “job” job just would not work. My health, with asthma, is also unpredictable.
I’ve been experimenting with various ways to make money online, but nothing was worth the effort it took. That’s when I decided to start a blog. I figured, it’s easier for god to steer a moving vehicle. Plus, many of the online writing jobs wanted sample blog posts or other recent writing, and I didn’t have it.
I put in several applications for online, off site jobs. Then, about 2 weeks ago, I got an email asking if I would be interested in writing copy for an online marketing and business services company.
Did I want to work? Hell yes! They have a pretty much endless supply of work, and I can work any time, any where. Exactly what I was looking for.
It hasn’t been easy. I’m still in a probationary, training period. I fear they won’t like me, they won’t like my work, who am I to think I could make money writing, blah blah blah. Next thing I knew I was picturing myself utterly hopeless, alone, and unemployable.
Hold on there, girlie. It’s been 2 weeks, and I learn more with every task. I am learning how I work best. I’m figuring out all the rules, protocols, and formats (which are all painfully precise).
It’s been quite an adjustment for my family too, especially my 11 year old son. It is so difficult for him to not keep popping in to where I am writing to ‘chat,’ ask questions, etc. I guess we’re both learning.
Whatever comes of this, I know that I can trust the loving guidance of my higher power. I can’t describe the feeling when I called my mom and told her I was being paid to write. After all the trouble I had caused her ‘back in the day,’ it is a phenomenal living amends to be able to make her proud. I think I’ll keep on keeping on, at least one more day.