Trudging today

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Some days are filled with evidence of god’s presence. Today is not one of those days.

I’ve got some big financial issues looming. I could be miserable today.  Instead, by the grace of god, 12 steps, sponsors and sponsees, I’m doing OK. My “OK-ness” probably has a lot to do with the fact that I can own my part in it.

It would be so easy to BLAME others, the government, blah blah blah. I could give you several reasons why it wasn’t my fault, and my friends would nod and agree with me. But when I do that, I become a victim. I don’t want to be a victim. Victims are powerless against the cruelty of others. Victims suffer and want pity and are incapable of taking action. That is not how I want to live my life today.

The only way to take action, to learn and grow, is by taking responsibility for my part. When I do that, I learn how I got into the situation I’m in. When I learn that, I can make different choices to get different results.

I know how to wedge myself into that pity pot and complain about the ring around my butt. Today I choose to not sulk, whine, and pout, (well, maybe just a little, and then get over myself).  I accept two realities: 1) I am responsible for my part, and 2) there is a god. God is either nothing or he is everything.

As I trudge today, I know that I will be OK, no matter what. The suffering comes from holding on to things. Could I lose my house? I don’t know. I pray that god works through the minds and hearts of the lawyers. My job is to be in surrender and acceptance. Staying in acceptance, staying in today, helps me do the next right thing with peace of mind, ensuring that I can face what god gives me today. And so… I trudge.

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