Overwhelm

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Had to call my sponsor today. Yes, even with 26 years sober I still have to call my sponsor. I was in OVERWHELM mode.

You know how it is: I get a bit of unhappy financial information, next thing (in my mind) we lose our house and our daughter loses her horse (which gives her her sanity) and we are starving on the streets with nothing. What’s the point. Everything I do always go bad. Things just keep getting worse…

That is a slippery slope, so I have to take action to stop that thinking. I look for the next right thing to do. All I see is mountainous heaps of clutter and the mile long list of all the things I didn’t do, all the things that I am not. With so much to do, I just collapse on my bed and do nothing.

That’s when I need to reach out and talk to someone. What is really going on? Nothing. Everything really is OK. I am safe. As my sponsor puts it, “overwhelm” is just about the story we tell ourselves. It isn’t real. Where are my feet? All my needs are met in this moment, right here, right now… and now… and now.

This brings me back down. I have choices. I have no idea what the future will bring. I have to turn that over to my higher power. There is nothing so bad that taking a drink won’t make it worse.

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